why this is as good as it gets

People are always saying how once they reach that destination they're pursuing in their lives, they'll finally be happy.  "Once I get this job, my life will be complete," is a common sentiment you hear a lot these days.   But during a weekend getaway with friends to Atlantic City where we discussed everything from 50 Shades Of Grey to our own relevance, this question was posed: What if this was it?  What if right now is as good as it gets?  And what if we lived with this new mentality?  Without the stress of "getting somewhere"? Would we be able to enjoy what we have rather than prolonging our own happiness for some intangible event to occur?  I'm not saying to live without goals.  But take it all in stride. Life is full of disappointments.  Who cares? So what. That's life.  Move on.  If we could just put less emphasis on the destination and more emphasis on living in the present and focusing our time and energy on kids/marriages/friends, we might be happier in the end. 

And on our way back from the opening weekend of Revel (See above), the new casino that's a cross between a Miami nightclub and a Vegas casino, my friend posed the question again: What if this was as good as it gets?  As I looked around the grimy streets of AC, I thought to myself.  This IS as good as it gets.  And I'm fine with that.  I'm more than fine.  I'm happy.

DZ  

shouldn't we talk about the weather

When I'm standing in line to get my juice, I often overhear the same conversation between 2 mothers. Their youngest is with a new nanny (people go through nanny's in this neighborhood like people go through cars in LA) and their oldest child is adjusting to sharing the limelight with the baby.  I get it. You don't sleep and you haven't had a night out with your spouse in months.  Your in-laws are no help either.  But do you have to have this conversation for everyone to hear? Yes, we all know about your life. So here's what I propose. Let's talk about something new. I wouldn't mind overhearing your conversation if you were talking about "The Beginners" or how MTV needs to bring back "I Just Want My Pants Back" for a second season. We've all become consumed with our own lives.  Michael Stipe was right.  Shouldn't we just talk about the weather?

DZ

why having 2 is nothing like being a single parent

Some of my readers seem to be up in arms over my post "why having 2 is like being a single parent".  After reading through the comments, I realize that many of the single parents that responded were right.  Having 2 is nothing like being a single parent. The solitude is temporary when your married. You have some back up and you still have nights with your spouse and you still have time together.  As couples do when they have kids though, they take their spouse for granted.  But in the end, I have no idea what it would be like to be a single parent.

But all is not lost. One single parent who responded was offended for another reason.  He wasn't looking for pity but wanted to share the fact that single parent life suited him much better. His nights were free.  He seem to be living the dream. If being a single parent works for him, than that's awesome. In all honestly, I apologize if I offended anyone but I was only writing from my experience which I hope other parents can benefit from.  So to escape the backlash, I'm thinking of moving into this castle for the summer.

Or I'll do what one single mother told me to do in a comment: "Get over yourself".

DZ

single parent responds to "why having 2 is like being a single parent"

(squinting) I think you're fixing a rather negative connotation on being a single parent. It's really not all that isolating at all. Some of us (gasp!) quite happily chose this lifestyle. Having been a married parent and a single parent, I can tell you I much prefer being a single parent. After 9:30 or so, my life is my own and I have complete solitude. And I can be sure that my housemates will one day outgrow their issues, which isn't true if you have a spouse. on why having 2 is like being a single parent

why having kids doesn't mean giving up your manhood

It's cool to be a guy again.  But guys need to make sure to remember who they are.  Guys need to keep their identities in tact.  We need to call out our friends who don't show up to guys night after they get married or they have their kids.  Yes, call out your friends.  It's ok to be busy with family and work.  But we need to maintain that sense of ourselves or we can lose it and forget about it and get resentful toward our spouse and that's not cool. I'm not saying don't be stoked about being a parent.

Or about being a husband.  I'm just saying keep it all in balance.  You're still a guy.  You're still a dude. You're still a man. So next time you have plans with a friend and you want to stand him up because you had a long day at work and you'd rather nestle up next to wifey and watch bad television, don't do it.

DZ

sleep training day

It's the end of the swaddle for us. Maybe and hopefully forever.   We're sleep training Harper now because she gets out of the swaddle.  So the sleep training begins.  Sleep training consists of a strict sleep schedule, a lot of crying it out, and less rocking the baby to sleep. Even when you go into comfort her when she's crying, your not suppose to pick her up.  I'm not totally trained yet so it's been my wife doing a lot of the training and I've been on toddler duty. It's just a way for her to figure sleep out on her own.

We all could use a little more sleep.  We are a sleep deprived society and if we could only get more rest, than maybe we could all be more productive.   But I think it's essential to get her on a schedule sooner than later before we lose our minds.  On a lighter note, the weekend has been nice and it's summer in this city.  And you see random folks who you haven't seen in forever and you remember why you live here. And you say to yourself, "This must be the place".  This, or Portland.

DZ

like mama like daughter

mother responds to "why having 2 is like being a single parent"

The author isn't a single parent. He isn't even "like" a single parent. Obviously he has no idea what being a single parent is like. Why do so many married spouses like to equate time alone with their kids to being a single parent? It's really annoying. on why having 2 is like being a single parent

babies: the new hipster accessory

I'm not the only guy walking around the hood with a baby strapped to him in an Ergo.  And the more I look, the more I look like everyone else. And I'm not even trying to say I'm a hipster.  I've never been comfortable with that term.  In my mind, I took an unconventional path in life in becoming a musician and hipsterism is just a look, not an identity. Even things associated with baby have become hipster accessories.  Like the Ergo.  But as any hipster can tell you, your hipsterism can backfire and go into unknown and unwanted terrain.  Like when I wanted to buy new Vans the other day but they didn't have my size.  So the shoe girl suggested I try wearing Toms. I told her I already wear an Ergo.  That's just going a little too far. I'm still a man.

But like the stroller, the ergo has definitely become a hipster accessory.  (We use the Baby Jogger City-Mini stroller which I highly recommended).  And these babies, these hipster accessories can also spark conversation with other hipsters in public.   Like when hipster girls come up to me when I'm wearing Harps and just start talking.  It's like babies are the new dogs.  And these hipster parents are carrying around their hipster babies wearing mini chuck-t's and everyone is trying to outdo everyone else.  Sounds like hipsterism to me.

DZ

dedicated to m.c.a.

My new single as Moon State is called "Out of the Ordinary" and will be available at iTunes
and Amazon tomorrow.  The song is dedicated to Adam Yauch. The beat is inspired by that late 80's/early Beasties sound when everyone just seem to want to party.  And I think right now there's a similar feeling with music being a diversion from reality.  That's why I recorded this track.  It's a departure from my sound but I don't believe an artist today should be limited to a genre.  It's just about the music and about the song.  But back to M.C.A.,  he made me want to move to New York and interpret all the different sounds of the city in my own way.  I've had the chance to reminisce about Adam this week and I heard that Mike D./Ad-Rock were doing ok.  Feel free to post your thoughts about Adam here.  You can sample my dedication to M.C.A. @ iTunes:

http://itunes.apple.com/us/album/out-of-the-ordinary-single/id526991082

http://www.amazon.com/Out-of-the-Ordinary/dp/B0082RFXYQ/ref=sr_shvl_album_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1337050581&sr=301-2

harper and the sleepless blues

Guess what we call Harper these days?  The no-sleepy-happy-baby.  Because she doesn't really sleep. But it doesn't seem to bother her.  She's alert.  She's awake.  She's ready to take on the world.  Or take on my day. Truth be told, she does sleep, just in short increments.  Not enough time to track a song (Although I did record vocals for my new Moon State single "Out of the Ordinary" while she was asleep).  And I totally bailed on getting anything special for Mother's Day (I like to think that I treat my wife special every day and not just on the first Sunday in May).   But I'm trying to give my wife some time for herself today so I took Dylan on my run this morning.

And of course we ended up at a park.  I didn't have my watch with me so I asked this other Dad what time it was. "8:30 AM," he said.  He understood.  He also was up for hours already as well.
DZ

why having 2 is more than twice as hard as 1

People have different reasons for why they want to have more than one child.  "So and so needs a sibling," is a common answer I hear.  But you don't realize how much harder 2 is than 1.  It's more than twice as hard.  By the second kid, the honeymoon is over.  The newness of all things baby has worn off.  You take your second child for granted.  You wonder how long you'll feel like a prisoner in your own apartment.  When you have only 1, they go to sleep, and your done for the night.  Seriously. And when your wife takes your 1 and only child to the park, you can go for a run.  Or just chill.  But those days are over at least for awhile.  After my wife gave birth to Harper in January, I went home to watch Dylan.  And I felt like a single parent. 

When Dylan was 8 months old, we took her to Italy. 

And last year at this time we were on vacation in Mexico. 

This year it's just Texas with the in-laws.  And Milwaukee for a "Mancation".  

DZ

what if I was bill?

I just got a call from someone looking for Bill.  I told her she had the wrong number.  But what if I was really Bill?  What if I'm not who I really am? Like Don Draper sort of.  And I still have Cali digits, what if this was Bill's house:

Who is this guy?  Does he go to work?  Does he have kids? Is this his high school sweetheart calling him to confess her love? Or is Bill just some dude.  Some dude living in LA, trying to make it.

DZ

the art of getting a toddler to sleep

We moved Harper into Dylan's room and Dylan got a toddler bed and we finally got our room back. Harper's taking better naps in the crib and tonight is the first night of our experiment.  Although I'm not sure how Harper is going to fall asleep with the light on since Dylan insists on keeping it on.  I sleep better now since I've had kids because the window of opportunity is short and you have to take advantage of the time you have.  I also don't like to go to bed at a normal hour.  My creativeness starts to flow when it gets late.  But that flow will take a toll when I have to get up with Dylan at 5:30 am as she did this morning.

And at this point of the night, (See above) I'm ready to just chill.  If the kids are down by 8, we can watch a film.  If the kids are down by 8:30, we can watch a show.  If the kids are down by 9, my wife is done.  And I have the night to myself.  In solitude.  

DZ

dylan & warhol

"That's your book," Dylan exclaims when I pull "Andy Warhol's Colors" out from her bookshelf because she knows I got it for her and that I'm an artist who doesn't find it pretentious to read arty books to my kids.  Relevant books.  But I digress.  I'm recommending this book to y'all because it's not as obvious as other children's books and allows your toddler to use her imagination.  And it just sounds cool when your 3 year old says the name "Andy Warhol". And Dylan's on a rainbow kick.

Maybe when I get my Vespa, her and I can take a ride into the city and go to the moma and see some real art in person.  BTW, I know this is unrelated, but what is considered "real" art these days?

DZ

vespa is the new "man toy"

As if introducing me to goat's milk wasn't enough, my Australian friend let me take a spin on his Vespa the other night.  He was right.  The city looks totally different when your driving a Vespa. It allows you to explore the city streets.  From a new perspective. And something about the open road and the wind blowing in your face makes you feel like a man. 

And at the same time you feel cool because your on a Vespa.  

It also reminded me of when I was traveling through the Greek Islands and I was in Santorini and we rented Vespas and drove up the mountain every night to watch the sunset.  This memory alone makes me want to buy a Vespa.  I know we need a new car that would be more practical for the family. Probably a Hybrid or a Subaru. But something about the Vespa represents freedom. And I'm not even a guy who needs his "Man Toys".  

DZ

  

father of 3 responds to "4 ways to improve your relationship"

"You rock, man. I have 3 and the work that my wife puts in raising these little "devils" is inmeasureable. I totally agree on your advice on how to treat her." on 4 ways to improve your relationship

R.I.P. MCA

I would see him on his skateboard riding through the streets of The East Village when I first moved to New York City.  It was like he was just one of us.  He'd hang out on our block at the music store testing out new guitar pedals. It was like he had inner peace.  It was like he was just one of us.

He was from Brooklyn.  He went to the same high school as my brother.  It was like he was just one of us.  Everyone I know is shocked.  Everyone I know is effected.  Everyone I know feels like they've lost their older brother.  Everyone I know can't believe he is gone.  He gave us so much through his music and inspired a new generation through his activism. I can't believe he's gone.  I turned on Check Your Head this afternoon.  This record was the soundtrack to my college.  And Paul's Boutique.  My wife's first job out of college was working for Grand Royal in Los Angeles.  She had just moved there from Nashville and they believed in my wife and gave her her first break in the business.   All she ever wanted to do in high school was to work with them and her dream came true. I can't believe how many people we know that have passed away from this disease. This isn't right. R.I.P. MCA.

the art of stumptown

I've always been a believer in if your going to do something, do it to the best of your abilities.  (I actually learned this trait from my wife, I don't want to take credit where credit isn't due).  But we are seeing a trend here in Brooklyn where folks are making their own salsa, pickles and beer and doing it their own way.  Which brings me to Stumptown. I'm obsessed with their cappacino. The temperature is just right. I don't have to add anything.  It's perfect as is.  There are very few things this perfect these days.  The vibe at Cafe Pedlar (Our local Stumptown, which originated in Portland) is just right. (It was a rainy afternoon  and they were playing Cat Stevens which is not what you'd expect to hear in hipster Brooklyn).  The barista was from Portland and we talked about The Dandy Warhols and the similarities and differences between Brooklyn and Portland.  And that experience is what keeps me coming back.  Oh, and the best cappuccino I've had since Florence.

the isolation of technology

I'm at the park yesterday with my daughter Dylan and I'm not necessarily looking for a conversation with someone but I also don't want to hear someone on their phone having a meeting the whole time I'm there.  My wife tells me not to judge and that I'm hypercritical since I'm on my phone talking to a director about an upcoming video shoot for my band Moon State.  I am not pointing the finger here.  I do it as well.   We use our phones in public to avoid interacting with other people.  Or it's just an escape mechanism. As I watch former PR girls turned-stay-at-home momma's clutching their iPhone, I wonder what parenting would have been like without technology.  In a more primitive society, would we pay closer attention to our children?  The thought of this makes me want to move to a farm with my family somewhere Upstate.

DZ

the mystery of the lost love letter

There's so much mystery when you find a letter on the street and you have no idea who the letter is from and where it was suppose to go.  I was on my way home from the park with Dylan who was running down the sidewalk with her new backpack and with no care in the world (literally).

I look down and I see this letter.  There's mystery in it.   Who wrote it?  Where was it suppose to go? Without reading too much into it, the letter reads like an apology.  And than it reads like someone who is optimistic about the future and is trying to convey some sense of hope.  She must be a musician because she mentions having to replace the strings on her cello and this is all very familiar to me. The other thought that keeps running through my head is why was it left here on the street for anyone to see?  Did the writer give up on the idea of getting back together with this person?   Was the struggle of living with a musician (A person who states in the same letter that she is sorry for the high Visa bill, but, "At her last concert, I played very difficult pieces astonishing well."  Very confident. I'm impressed and inspired.  

So I wrote a song inspired by the letter.  And then I blogged about it. 

Here are the lyrics:

Don't Give Up

I'm sorry to hear

Your strings were cut loose

Everything costs 

Much more when you lose

I'm sorry to tell you

My visa fell through

When life gets way too much

Don't give up

Don't give up

I know it's not the thought

We'll be together not apart

Well I can't lose you

When everything's too much

Don't give up

Don't give up

I miss you so much

Don't give up

Don't give up

Don't give up

DZ